You don’t know me, but I want to share you a couple of things, or maybe a lot. I need someone to listen. I’d be glad to hear what you think but please let me talk first. I need a listener right now.
There was a time when I knew what I wanted in life: a good job with good pay. I thought from there, life will get better. That’s the main reason why we finished school right, so that we can land ourselves a good job? Basic reason why we had to study for many years. Problem is in school, they do not tell you everything. Well, isn’t that the beauty of life? Not knowing where it leads you, taking risks, opening and closing doors, crossing bridges…
Oh Stranger, I am in that stage of life where I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. Chaos. Yup, I think that’s the right word I can use to describe what I feel right now. I know I am not in my best place but I live with it anyway. I am very certain that I do not love what I am doing but I am doing it anyway. I do not love my job! It’s driving me crazy! I have never met people so cynical and narrow-minded and unappreciative. It sucks. Damn, it sucks…
I know what I want to do, but I am afraid that by doing this, I am going to hurt someone else’s feelings. I think I am ready to make a wrong turn. I am ready to take risks, I am ready to fail. I am ready to do and face just about everything but I dread hurting their feelings.
I am at a crossroad and I have never been so eager to take any path.
So Stranger, what exactly do you do when it’s your parents you don’t want to hurt?
It’s one of those nights again
I can’t sleep
‘Cause a lot of things are on my mind
I’m confused about my feelings
I don’t know when and how it happened
It’s driving me crazy
I get really high when I fall
I try to figure myself out
If this isn’t love
How come my heart won’t stop hurting
I try to get you out of my system
I tell my friends that I’m okay
But the more I deny it
The more I am wounded inside
I want to get you off my mind
But the hard thing is I can’t
It’s you I see in my dreams
I wish these feelings would just end
Don’t know if this is wrong
How come it feels so right
I guess I’m scared to admit
that I’m falling in love…
(November 14, 2009)
I realize I miss you. Bad. It’s not the kind of miss that goes away when we chat or text or Skype… It’s the kind that makes me want to really hug you and not let go… It’s the kind that makes me want to see you every morning when I wake up…
I guess this the time I can’t stand being away from you for too long anymore… I want to be there in times when you’re angry, sad, depressed… I want to be there when you’re happy. I want to share my thoughts when I’m happy.
Everytime I read messages from you telling me that you had a bad day or something, I have this aching to come see you and just give you a hug…
I really miss you… How I wish so bad that when I wake up tomorrow, I wake up in your arms… I wake up to your kisses. I wake up to you…
Let me come home to you. Ask me now.
It hasn’t been the same since I heard her name.
Since I knew what you are to her.
Sleepless nights – countless.
Heavy emotional baggage, literally heavy heart.
All sorts of crazy scenarios when I see her name elsewhere,
and it’s not even her.
Yep, that bad. I somehow trust my instincts.